Did you ever deal with the constant fear that despite your commitment to learning you will always be behind everyone else? How did you deal with it?

I think it's really normal to have these types of feelings especially  when you don't have a 4 year degree in that space. I don't think this exclusive to folks who are self-taught or did a boot camp I think because of the technology so broad and when your new I think your expectation is for you to know all the things and in reality you don't know or could you or should you. I think that might just come with experience and what time. I fortunately had ten years of work experience before I pivoted to tech, so I definitely had that like I don't have the equivalent education like the someone who just graduated but at the same time. I also knew I have other skill sets that the person who just graduated, they don't have, so I have a lot of work experience, I have led teams I've managed people, I had to deal with budgets, in a real-world setting. So there's just a few experiences, so I think really it comes down to the question of your own expectations and what work is expect you from you. That might just be a conversation, which if you're having these fears, especially when I hear “the constant fear,” I think once you are hired then you can have a meaningful conversation with your manager. But before that, I think it's hard to have a reality check cuz you don't know really. So I would say the way that I've dealt with this is: One, by life experience; Two: by having real serious and honest conversations with your manager or with people who you trust. Because even when you're learning something within your work space,  your area of expertise, there is still a learning curve and it's okay to acknowledge that. 

Something I really appreciated with the first-team I join a Google, was someone who was experience in the field, like maybe 15 years, he made the comment as he's working, to himself, of like “Its crummy when you have those days where you feel like you don't do anything.” And it was really nice to hear when I first start cuz I had that same expectation when I first started, like “oh no, I work OK Google, I am not going to meet all the brilliance that everyone else has.” And when he made that comment I was like “oh cool, it's not just me and it's not just me because I don't have a degree or me because I don’t have the experience or me as a woman or me as a Latina.”  This was coming from a white man who's been doing this for fifteen years and he felt like that. So I found it comforting, so hopefully this is helpful to 1: acknowledge when your having these feelings, and 2 to talk to somebody. And of course, if you don't have somebody you trust, that's why therapy is great. I know I've spent many hours in my own therapy sessions talking about my own feelings, of feeling like I’m not doing enough, when in reality that's not always truthful. And having a little bit of anxiety, for me, is helpful to get me going but when it's too much and it's overwhelming that's what it's not so.